Well Dickhead and I finally hashed things out a little. I texted him about the "Did it hurt when you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?" tweet he sent, and it all went downhill from there. Eventually he called and we agreed to be civil, and for the first time since we broke up we talked about things. He gave me some answers I'd been looking for, I told him I was semi-dating someone else, and we went our separate ways.
And by went our separate ways I mean I laid in bed for the next two hours and cried. It still hurts, so unbelievably much. I suck so much at being alone - I don't even know where or how to start. The last few weeks have been fine because I've surrounded myself with people at every possible moment, and it really has been good for me. On the other hand, I haven't had the opportunity to really sit back and reflect upon our relationship.
There was so much good at the beginning and it's hard to let go of that. But I also know how bad it was at the end, and I can't even think about returning to that. Still, a (not so) small part of me thinks that we could just forget that the last few weeks ever happened and return to normal. I know that that is impossible and will never actually happen, but it's easy and apparently he thinks that we can "be friends and talk every once and awhile". Whatever the hell that means.
Some part of me is glad that we talked. Another part wishes that it had never happened so that I could just pretend like life was fine and I never had to deal with Dickhead ever again. I'm not sure what to do/think when it comes to this. I know we can't get back together, but I also know that I miss him and that I still love him. My mind is very conflicted right now, and I'm not sure I know how to deal with it.
What do you suggest? How have you dealt with break-ups that you weren't quite prepared for?
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